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What do you call the grandmother on your speed dial?

InstaGram.

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Puns

What do you do if you're afraid of elevators?

Take steps to avoid them.

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Science

Why was the math book sad?

It had a lot of problems.

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Holiday

Where do ghosts prefer to swim?

Lake Eerie.

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Puns

What do you get from an Alaskan cow?

Cold cream.

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Food & Drinks

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

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Entertainment

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

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Puns

What is the difference between fleas and dogs?

Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.

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Outdoors

Where does a camper keep his money?

In a river bank.

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Animals

Why did the elephant eat the candle?

For light refreshment.

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People

Which computer won the talent show?

A Dell.

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Animals

Why was the moose able to move the bus on his own?

He had huge mooscles.

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Animals

What do you call a golden retriever at the beach in July?

A hot dog.

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Sports

What tea do footballers drink?

Penaltea.

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Puns

Why did the pig go to the casino?

To play the slop machine.

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Outdoors

Why was the bud so shy?

It just hadn't blossomed yet.

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Animals

What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?

Slush puppies.

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