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What do you call the grandmother on your speed dial?

InstaGram.

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Puns

What do you do if you're afraid of elevators?

Take steps to avoid them.

Science

Why was the math book sad?

It had a lot of problems.

Holiday

Where do ghosts prefer to swim?

Lake Eerie.

Puns

What do you get from an Alaskan cow?

Cold cream.

Food & Drinks

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

Entertainment

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

Puns

What is the difference between fleas and dogs?

Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.

Outdoors

Where does a camper keep his money?

In a river bank.

Animals

Why did the elephant eat the candle?

For light refreshment.

People

Which computer won the talent show?

A Dell.

Animals

Why was the moose able to move the bus on his own?

He had huge mooscles.

Animals

What do you call a golden retriever at the beach in July?

A hot dog.

Sports

What tea do footballers drink?

Penaltea.

Puns

Why did the pig go to the casino?

To play the slop machine.

Outdoors

Why was the bud so shy?

It just hadn't blossomed yet.

Animals

What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?

Slush puppies.