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What do you call someone who sees a robbery at an Apple Store?

The iWitness.

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Animals

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles!

no body?Puns

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows!

Puns

What is an insect's favorite game?

Cricket.

Puns

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

Sports

What tea do footballers drink?

Penaltea.

Vehicles

What car is the perfect size for mice?

A minivan.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a dog with a telephone?

A golden receiver.

Animals

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

So-fish-ticated.

Animals

What does a lion call an antelope?

Fast food.

Animals

How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?

Take away its credit cards.

Animals

What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?

A deviled egg.

Animals

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

Terrier-fied.

Food & Drinks

Did you hear about the famous pickle?

He was a big dill.

Professional

What goes by slower than a plot-less movie?

Friday afternoon.

crowded graveyard?Holiday

It's Crowded!

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

Puns

How do fireflies start a race?

Ready, steady, glow.