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What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

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Food & Drinks

What is CO2's favorite pasta?

Spaghetti carbon-ara.

Animals

Why was the cat so small?

Because it only ate condensed milk.

Animals

How long do chickens work?

Around the cluck.

Sports

Why did Justin Turner sign up for the marathon near where he grew up?

It was a home run.

Education

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.

Family

What do dads love to eat after dinner?

Pop-corn.

People

What do people call Arnold Schwarzenegger in retirement?

The Exterminator.

a close-up of four small owls huddled together on a branchAnimals

Why do owls make lousy reporters?

They only ask who.

Education

What type of school requires you to drop out to graduate?

Sky diving school.

Darth Vader?Entertainment

How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the dark side.

Holiday

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

Puns

What do you do when two snails fight?

Let them slug it out.

Animals

What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp off the old block.

Puns

What do you call an arctic cow?

An eskimoo.

People

Why can't the lifeguards save the hippies?

Because they're too far out.

Animals

What did the horse say when it collapsed?

"Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"