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What do you call a singing rodent?

Justin Beaver!

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People

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?

Retired.

greatest daughter?Family

What's it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?

Daughter: "Mom, what's it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?" Mom: "I don't know ask your grandmother."

Puns

What kind of books do boats write?

Ferry tales.

Puns

What part of your eye learns the quickest?

The pupil.

Puns

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?

We have to stick together.

Sports

What do a striker and a magician have in common?

Both do hat tricks.

Education

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

People

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missiletoe.

Sports

Where do old bowling balls end up?

In the gutter.

Entertainment

What do you call a musical about a boy who loses his shoe?

Cinderfella.

Animals

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles!

Animals

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

Puns

What do you call the wife of a hippie?

A Mississippi.

The Penguins?Animals

What's black and white and goes around and around?

A penguin in a revolving door.

Puns

Why is oxygen so wealthy?

Because it's an air-ess.

Holiday

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?

Because the angel said, "No L!"