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What do you call a retired vegetable?

A has-bean.

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Puns

What do the Eiffel Tower and a tick have in common?

They are both Paris-sites.

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Food & Drinks

Why did the woman get mad at her husband when she asked him to pick up six cans of Sprite?

He picked 7 up instead.

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Outdoors

Where did the 8-year-old tree go to learn?

Elementree school.

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Food & Drinks

Why do you put peanut butter in the road?

It goes good with the traffic jam.

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Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

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a close-up of a Burrowing owl with its head turned sideways at the cameraAnimals

What bird is losing its hair?

A bald eagle.

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Animals

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?

Because they're wrigleys.

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Current Events

What day never takes itself seriously?

April Fool's Day.

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one chick pops its head up while the others are pecking at the groundPeople

Why did Beethoven give away his chickens?

They kept saying: Bach, Bach, Bach...

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Music

Why are stones so good at music?

They're obsessed with rock n' roll!

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Animals

Why did the pony not sing the lullaby?

It was a little horse.

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Education

What color are all the books in the library?

Red.

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Manufacturing?Professional

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisFACTORY.

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Animals

What's a lizard's favorite cookie?

A fig newt-on.

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Holiday

What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?

I scream.

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People

Who do camels find most inspiring?

The Dalai Llama.

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