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What do you call a retired vegetable?

A has-bean.

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Puns

What do the Eiffel Tower and a tick have in common?

They are both Paris-sites.

Food & Drinks

Why did the woman get mad at her husband when she asked him to pick up six cans of Sprite?

He picked 7 up instead.

Outdoors

Where did the 8-year-old tree go to learn?

Elementree school.

Food & Drinks

Why do you put peanut butter in the road?

It goes good with the traffic jam.

Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

a close-up of a Burrowing owl with its head turned sideways at the cameraAnimals

What bird is losing its hair?

A bald eagle.

Animals

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?

Because they're wrigleys.

Current Events

What day never takes itself seriously?

April Fool's Day.

one chick pops its head up while the others are pecking at the groundPeople

Why did Beethoven give away his chickens?

They kept saying: Bach, Bach, Bach...

Music

Why are stones so good at music?

They're obsessed with rock n' roll!

Animals

Why did the pony not sing the lullaby?

It was a little horse.

Education

What color are all the books in the library?

Red.

Manufacturing?Professional

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisFACTORY.

Animals

What's a lizard's favorite cookie?

A fig newt-on.

Holiday

What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?

I scream.

People

Who do camels find most inspiring?

The Dalai Llama.