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What do you call a pig thief?

A hamburglar.

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Animals

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

a mit, baseball, and baseball bat all sit on a baseball diamondSports

Who's the biggest downer in baseball?

The grumpire.

Puns

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

Animals

What animal is best at avoiding a punch?

A duck.

Puns

Why should you be worried about the calendar?

Its days are numbered.

Animals

Why did the pony not sing the lullaby?

It was a little horse.

Animals

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?

A beer-a-cuda.

Family

Who loves the lake but refuses to get wet?

A dad on a fishing trip.

Puns

Why do piggy banks give the best advice?

Because they're filled with so much common cents.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the referee calling fowls.

Animals

What do you call a group of elephants in the pool?

Swimming trunks!

Holiday

What's always playing in Santa's workshop?

Wrap music.

Puns

What is dry on the outside, filled with water, and blows up buildings?

A fish tank.

People

What did Snow White say while waiting in line for her photos?

Some day my prints will come.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a sad latte?

Depresso.

Puns

What sound does a witch's car make?

Broom broom!