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What do you call a peanut in space?

An astronut.

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Puns

What's the saddest part of the week?

Monday mourning.

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Puns

Everyone says that mushroom is such a fungi, so why didn't they have the party at his house?

Because he didn't have mushroom there.

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Animals

How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters?

C-A-T.

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Music

What do you call a dog that's blasting out music at the bottom of the ocean?

A subwoofer.

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Animals

What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories?

A shaggy dog's tale.

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Animals

What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A bloodhound.

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Holiday

Why do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

They are very scent-imental.

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Animals

Why did the pony not sing the lullaby?

It was a little horse.

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Animals

If there are eight sheep, three dogs, and one herdsman, how many feet are there?

Two. Sheep have hooves; dogs have paws; only the herdsman has feet.

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Political

Why did the senator bring cookies to the congress session?

He heard they were working on treat-ies.

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Entertainment

What's the name of the winner of the chicken-eating contest?

The Lord of the Wings.

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Travel

Where do optometrists go on vacation?

Eye-celand!

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Food & Drinks

What's a horse's favorite fruit?

Straw-berries.

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Puns

How do you take a pig to the hospital?

By hambulance.

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Family

What did the momma sea otter say to her ornery children?

You otter do what I say!

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People

Did you hear about the vacuum cleaner that can cut your housework in half?

I bought two.

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