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What do you call a cow with two legs?

Eileen.

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Puns

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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Food & Drinks

What did the bread say when he proposed to his girlfriend?

I loaf you!

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Animals

Why did the man name his canines Rolex and Timex?

They were his watch dogs.

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Education

What flies around the kindergarten room at night?

An alpha-bat.

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Holiday

What does one Valentine's Day card say to another that is physically fit?

You're from good cardstock.

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Music

What do you call a dog that's blasting out music at the bottom of the ocean?

A subwoofer.

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Family

Why are goats so funny?

They're always kidding around.

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Animals

What type of dog loves to take showers?

Shampoodles.

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Forest Gump?Entertainment

What was Forrest Gump's email password?

"1forrest1"

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Puns

Why was the pirate late for work?

His ship had sailed.

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Puns

Where do colds go on vacation?

Germ-any.

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Science

What did the dad say when the boy asked him to explain the solar eclipse to him?

No sun.

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Animals

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

So-fish-ticated.

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People

What do you call an animal pop star?

Justin Beaver.

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Animals

Why is the snail the strongest animal?

Because he carries a house on his back.

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Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

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