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What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss.

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Animals

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove he wasn't chicken.

Puns

What do you call a Russian flea?

A Moscow-ito.

Sports

Why do Olympians never overheat?

Because they have a lot of fans.

Family

How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?

She sent her a pee-mail.

a close-up of the faces of three brown cowsAnimals

Where do cows go on the weekend?

The moo-vies.

a child dressed up in a cardboard rocket ship costume stands next to a cardboard robotScience

Why do rocket scientists take everything so seriously?

Because they understand the gravity of the situation.

Puns

What's the saddest part of the week?

Monday mourning.

Sports

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she's always running away from the ball!

Puns

What did the sneaky chick say when it came out of the egg?

Time to hatch a plan!

Animals

Why was the cat so small?

Because it only ate condensed milk.

Puns

What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

Use a cowculator.

a close-up of many bumper cars in a rowVehicles

What did one car bumper say to another after the accident?

Don't get bent out of shape!

a close-up of a wizard holding their hand over a magic crystal ballAnimals

Which wizard is often mistaken for an animal?

Hairy Potter.

Animals

What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.

a nervous-looking man wears a red cape and holds his goggles on top of his headEntertainment

Which superhero is afraid of exterminators?

Ant-man.

a slice of Parmigiano Reggiano cheese on a wooden cutting board surrounded by basil and tomatoesPeople

Which celebrity is a cheese expert?

Ray Romano.