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What do people call Arnold Schwarzenegger in retirement?

The Exterminator.

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Animals

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message.

Puns

Where do colds go on vacation?

Germ-any.

Animals

What do you say if you meet a toad?

Wart's new?

Animals

What dog loves to take bubble baths?

A shampoodle.

Puns

Why is a fish easy to weigh?

Because it has its own scales.

Holiday

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Puns

Why do shoemakers go to heaven?

They have great souls.

Animals

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irrelephant!

People

Which celebrity is always prepared for cereal?

Reese, with her spoon.

Holiday

How did the vampire start his letter?

Tomb it may concern...

Vehicles

What car always breaks the rules?

A Nissan Rogue.

Holiday

Why is April the cleanest month of all?

Spring cleaning!

Puns

Why was the picture sent to jail?

It was framed.

Sports

Where do religious school children practice sports?

In the prayground!

Outdoors

What flowers rarely depreciate in value?

Mari-golds.