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What do an English major and a football player have in common?

They get anxious over rough drafts.

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Entertainment

Why did the man buy the discounted TV with a broken volume control?

He couldn't turn it down.

Puns

Which birds steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

an excited person holds 17 one-hundred dollar bills fanned out in front of their facePuns

What do you call the sound made by a new lottery winner?

Squeal of fortune!

Puns

Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?

He really thought he could socket to him.

Travel

What are rental cars called in Spain?

Barceloaners.

a white and tan spotted pony appears to smile at the cameraAnimals

Why couldn't the pony speak at the convention?

It was too hoarse.

People

Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

They had so many knights.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Sports

What sport requires no movement at all?

Channel surfing.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the net?

It wanted to get to the other site.

frogs happy?Animals

Why are frogs always so happy?

They eat whatever BUGS them.

Puns

What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?

An egg-splosion.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a sad latte?

Depresso.

Animals

Why didn't the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer.

The roof?Puns

Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head.

Food & Drinks

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it.