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What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
Tweetie Pie.
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Professional
What kind of gift do you get for the World's Best Dentist?
A little plaque.
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Puns
What is the difference between fleas and dogs?
Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.
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Sports
Why did Justin Turner sign up for the marathon near where he grew up?
It was a home run.
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Puns
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?
Your plaice or mine?
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Animals
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message.
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Puns
What do you call someone who sees a robbery at an Apple Store?
The iWitness.
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Puns
How are you liking that anti-gravity book?
It's impossible to put down!
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Holiday
What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?
I scream.
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Food & Drinks
What did the cupcakes say to the icing?
I'd be muffin without you.
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Puns
How does a single horse RSVP to a party?
They're going stag.
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Animals
What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A firequacker.
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Family
What type of school do kids beg to go to during the summertime?
Sundae School.
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Puns
Why did the computer run out of money?
Someone cleaned out its cache.
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Animals
What's a frog's favorite drink on a hot summer day?
An ice-cold croak-a-cola.
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Political
Which former US President was always cold?
Calvin Coolidge.
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Animals
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
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