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What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?

Tweetie Pie.

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Professional

What kind of gift do you get for the World's Best Dentist?

A little plaque.

Puns

What is the difference between fleas and dogs?

Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.

Sports

Why did Justin Turner sign up for the marathon near where he grew up?

It was a home run.

two colorful tropical fish are swimming near each otherPuns

What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?

Your plaice or mine?

Animals

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message.

Puns

What do you call someone who sees a robbery at an Apple Store?

The iWitness.

Puns

How are you liking that anti-gravity book?

It's impossible to put down!

Holiday

What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?

I scream.

Food & Drinks

What did the cupcakes say to the icing?

I'd be muffin without you.

Puns

How does a single horse RSVP to a party?

They're going stag.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?

A firequacker.

Family

What type of school do kids beg to go to during the summertime?

Sundae School.

Puns

Why did the computer run out of money?

Someone cleaned out its cache.

Animals

What's a frog's favorite drink on a hot summer day?

An ice-cold croak-a-cola.

Political

Which former US President was always cold?

Calvin Coolidge.

Animals

Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple?

Because everyone had to go on in pairs.