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What did the skeleton order at the bar?

A beer and a mop.

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People

What do you call a handsome runner?

Dashing.

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Holiday

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

Holiday

What do birds serve on Halloween?

Tweets.

Animals

What does a cat go to sleep on?

A caterpillow.

Music

Which rock group consists of four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

Puns

What's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?

Cobbler.

Food & Drinks

What pasta is always ready for a formal event?

Bow tie.

Puns

What's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?

Cobbler.

Science

What do you call a dog in space?

Astromutt.

Holiday

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

He's a real pain in the neck.

Puns

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

Animals

Why is an elephant braver than a hen?

Because the elephant isn't chicken.

Puns

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper.

People

Who is the worm's Prime Minister?

Maggot Thatcher.

Animals

What dinosaur would win the track gold medal at the Olympics?

The Prontosaurus.