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What did the outlet say to the power cord on their date?

Sorry, I just don't feel a spark.

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Music

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tunafish.

Puns

How do fireflies start a race?

Ready, steady, glow.

Puns

Why do people love getting letters from astronauts?

They have the best space stationery.

Holiday

What is a condiment's favorite holiday?

Cinco de Mayo.

Animals

What dog wears contact lenses?

A cock-eyed spaniel.

Puns

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

Puns

Who won the race between two balls of string?

They were tied.

Vehicles

Where do oceans always buy their cars?

Shell-vrolet.

Current Events

What's a worm's favorite holiday?

Earth Day.

The roof?Puns

Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head.

Animals

Why do elephants have trunks?

Because they've no pockets to put things in.

Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

Family

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to sweep!

Holiday

What do birds serve on Halloween?

Tweets.

a Scottish wildcat is crawling on a tree log in a forestAnimals

Why did the wildcat have such a successful email newsletter?

It always had the best lynx.

a caddy of various cleaning supplies, including soap, sponges, gloves, spray, etc.Education

Why was the janitor looking for cleaning products in the math department?

Because he heard there are lots of solutions.