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What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue.

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Food & Drinks

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it.

a man holds his hand up to his ear and appears to be shocked while listeningPuns

When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils... they dilate.

Puns

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy, and hates neighbors?

A hermit crab.

Animals

What do you call a sheep with no legs or head?

A cloud.

People

Which computer won the talent show?

A Dell.

Animals

What kind of store would a dog own?

A licker store.

Sports

What did the basketball player say when he lost his job?

Well, I guess I'll just power forward.

Animals

What animal is best at avoiding a punch?

A duck.

a kitten is leaning back in a sitting position with a surprised expressionPuns

What do cats use to take notes in meetings?

A scratch pad.

Education

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

a police officer in full uniform kneels on the pavement next to his german shepherd against a foggy backgroundAnimals

What animal is always ready to protect people?

An arm-adillo.

Holiday

Why do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

They are very scent-imental.

Education

Which subject has two parts?

Bi-ology.

Education

Why was the room so hot during the college graduation?

There were thousands of degrees packed in there.

Professional

Why did the person let a fish perform surgery on them?

He's a great sturgeon.