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What did the horse say when it collapsed?
"Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"
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Sports
Why do grasshoppers not go to many football games?
They prefer cricket matches.
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Professional
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisFACTORY.
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Animals
What animal is always ready to protect people?
An arm-adillo.
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Animals
What do you call a dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
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Animals
What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
Tweetie Pie.
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Puns
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak.
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Animals
Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
Because they couldn't hold their trunks up.
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Professional
What's a dentist's favorite movie?
Jaws.
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Animals
What do you call the pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Animals
Who is the bees' favorite singer?
Sting.
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Animals
How expensive is swimming with sharks?
It cost me an arm and a leg!
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People
Why can't the lifeguards save the hippies?
Because they're too far out.
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Entertainment
What was Forrest Gump's email password?
"1forrest1"
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People
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
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Food & Drinks
What is the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
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Music
What did the windmill say when it was asked what type of music was its favorite?
I'm a big fan of metal.
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