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What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet!

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Travel

Which celebrity loves to go on vacation?

Tom Cruise.

Professional

What do basketball players and lawyers have in common?

They both go to court.

Peter Pan?People

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a sad latte?

Depresso.

Family

Who are crows' favorite family members?

Caw-sins.

Animals

What did the confused bee say?

To bee or not to bee.

Music

What do you call a dog that's blasting out music at the bottom of the ocean?

A subwoofer.

Animals

What does a lion call an antelope?

Fast food.

Political

Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll.

Puns

What do you call a Russian flea?

A Moscow-ito.

Professional

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Puns

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

Animals

Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover its butt-quack.

Holiday

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower.

Animals

How do you care for a sick bird?

Tweetment.