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What did the duck say as he was buying chapstick?

Just put it on my bill.

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Puns

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?

We have to stick together.

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Animals

How do you raise a baby elephant?

With a forklift truck.

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Holiday

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

So he can ho-ho-ho.

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People

What did Snow White say while waiting in line for her photos?

Some day my prints will come.

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Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

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Animals

What's a bear's favorite movie?

Pirates of the Care-bear-ean.

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Puns

What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?

Reptiles.

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Sports

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?

The champire.

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Puns

What did one angel say to the other angel?

Halo there.

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Animals

How much does it cost to swim with the sharks?

An arm and a leg.

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Puns

What do you call a belt made of clocks?

A waist of time.

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People

What did Sherlock Holmes deduce when he woke up during his camping trip and saw the stars?

That someone had stolen his tent.

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Food & Drinks

How do eggs end a TV show?

That's all, yolks!

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Animals

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog.

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a cat is playing with a roll of toilet paper in the bathroomAnimals

Why did the cat go to the bathroom in the trash can?

Because it's a litter box.

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a group of people stands around a table displaying blueprints of some sortProfessional

Which CIA agent is the best baker?

The s-pie.

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