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What did the duck say as he was buying chapstick?

Just put it on my bill.

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Puns

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?

We have to stick together.

Animals

How do you raise a baby elephant?

With a forklift truck.

Holiday

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

So he can ho-ho-ho.

People

What did Snow White say while waiting in line for her photos?

Some day my prints will come.

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Animals

What's a bear's favorite movie?

Pirates of the Care-bear-ean.

Puns

What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?

Reptiles.

Sports

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?

The champire.

Puns

What did one angel say to the other angel?

Halo there.

Animals

How much does it cost to swim with the sharks?

An arm and a leg.

Puns

What do you call a belt made of clocks?

A waist of time.

People

What did Sherlock Holmes deduce when he woke up during his camping trip and saw the stars?

That someone had stolen his tent.

Food & Drinks

How do eggs end a TV show?

That's all, yolks!

Animals

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog.

a cat is playing with a roll of toilet paper in the bathroomAnimals

Why did the cat go to the bathroom in the trash can?

Because it's a litter box.

a group of people stands around a table displaying blueprints of some sortProfessional

Which CIA agent is the best baker?

The s-pie.