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What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

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Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

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Holiday

Why is April the cleanest month of all?

Spring cleaning!

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Animals

Who does an octopus see when it's not feeling well?

Doc Ock.

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Animals

What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle?

Your great-ant.

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Animals

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?

A beer-a-cuda.

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People

Who do camels find most inspiring?

The Dalai Llama.

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Animals

What do you call octopus twins?

Itenticle.

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Food & Drinks

What is CO2's favorite pasta?

Spaghetti carbon-ara.

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Outdoors

What do you call a BBQ by the pool?

A swim meat.

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Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

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Peter Pan?People

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

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Animals

How much money does a skunk have?

One scent.

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Animals

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?

They go on peck-nics.

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Animals

What do you call the donkey with 3 legs?

Wonky.

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Professional

Why did the barber win the race?

She knew shortcuts.

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Puns

Why do piggy banks give the best advice?

Because they're filled with so much common cents.

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