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What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

You can count on me.

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Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

Holiday

Why is April the cleanest month of all?

Spring cleaning!

Animals

Who does an octopus see when it's not feeling well?

Doc Ock.

Animals

What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle?

Your great-ant.

Animals

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?

A beer-a-cuda.

People

Who do camels find most inspiring?

The Dalai Llama.

Animals

What do you call octopus twins?

Itenticle.

Food & Drinks

What is CO2's favorite pasta?

Spaghetti carbon-ara.

Outdoors

What do you call a BBQ by the pool?

A swim meat.

Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

Peter Pan?People

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

Animals

How much money does a skunk have?

One scent.

Animals

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?

They go on peck-nics.

Animals

What do you call the donkey with 3 legs?

Wonky.

Professional

Why did the barber win the race?

She knew shortcuts.

Puns

Why do piggy banks give the best advice?

Because they're filled with so much common cents.