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What did Santa bring the naughty soccer player?

COOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!

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People

Who is a Dutch cat's favorite actor?

Tom Holland.

Puns

What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?

Take me to your weeder.

Animals

What animal loves to sway side-to-side?

A lean-mur.

Puns

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing. It just waved.

Puns

How do locomotives know where to go?

They have a lot of training.

Puns

Why didn't the lamp sink in the water?

Because it was too light.

Puns

What kind of clothes does a house wear?

An address.

Puns

Why am I no longer addicted to the hokey pokey?

I turned myself around.

Education

What words make the best athletes?

Pro-nouns.

Puns

Why do shoemakers go to heaven?

They have great souls.

People

What do a tick and the Louvre have in common?

They are both Paris sites.

Current Events

What do you get when two plants kiss?

Tulips!

Puns

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?

He prawned everything.

Puns

What did the portable fan say to the ceiling fan?

Sorry, I'm just not a big fan.

Animals

Where do baby cats learn to swim?

The kitty pool.

Family

What branch of the military accepts newborns?

The infantry.