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What did one pickle say to the other when it didn't get its way?

Dill with it.

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Animals

What happens when a cow doesn't shave?

It grows a moostache.

Puns

What kind of clothes does a house wear?

An address.

Puns

What is the difference between fleas and dogs?

Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.

Puns

What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps.

Holiday

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?

Santa pause.

Puns

Why do people love getting letters from astronauts?

They have the best space stationery.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower.

Animals

What kind of bird can write?

A PENguin.

Music

What did the windmill say when it was asked what type of music was its favorite?

I'm a big fan of metal.

Family

How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?

She sent her a pee-mail.

Animals

What do you call the dog magician?

A labra-cadabra.

Animals

When should you stop for a glow worm?

When he has a red light.

Science

Why did the mathematician decline a beer at the party?

He didn't want to drink and derive.

Animals

Why did the spider eat fireflies every evening?

He wanted a "light" snack after dinner.

Puns

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

It was outstanding in its field.

Animals

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.