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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

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negative numbers?Science

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

a kitten is leaning back in a sitting position with a surprised expressionPuns

What do cats use to take notes in meetings?

A scratch pad.

Professional

Why couldn't the couple get married at the library?

It was all booked up.

People

What do you call an 80-year-old cheerleader?

Old yeller.

Music

Why are stones so good at music?

They're obsessed with rock n' roll!

People

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

People

Which celebrity has the best handwriting?

Sean Pen.

Outdoors

What did the giant flower say to the tiny flower?

Hey there, bud!

a yak is photoshopped with sunglasses on a white backgroundPeople

Who is a cow's favorite celebrity?

Sandra Bull-ock.

Travel

Where do fruit travel to on vacation?

Pear-is.

People

Which computer won the talent show?

A Dell.

Holiday

What did the baker say about the bread it made on Easter?

It has risen indeed!

Animals

Why was the glow worm unhappy?

Because her children weren't that bright.

Puns

What did the clean dog say to the insect?

Long time, no flea.

Education

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.

Entertainment

What do you get if you cross a science fiction film with a toad?

Star Warts.