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What day of the week do chickens hide?
Fry-day.
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Current Events
Who isn't happy to get an Academy Award?
Oscar the grouch.
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Animals
Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
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Holiday
It's Crowded!
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
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Entertainment
What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
Chocolate chip cookie DOH!
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Animals
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
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Sports
Did you ever hear the joke about a boomerang?
I don't remember it, but it'll come back to me.
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Sports
What sport do birds of prey love to watch?
Hawk-ey.
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Animals
What did the horse say when it collapsed?
"Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"
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Professional
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely.
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Animals
What does a cat go to sleep on?
A caterpillow.
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Food & Drinks
What loaf of bread has a bad attitude?
Sourdough.
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Animals
What do you call the dog magician?
A labra-cadabra.
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Entertainment
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
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Animals
Where do horses reside?
In neigh-borhoods.
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Animals
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
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Animals
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
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