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What day of the week do chickens hide?

Fry-day.

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Current Events

Who isn't happy to get an Academy Award?

Oscar the grouch.

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Animals

Why didn't the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer.

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crowded graveyard?Holiday

It's Crowded!

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

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Entertainment

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?

Chocolate chip cookie DOH!

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Animals

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the referee calling fowls.

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Sports

Did you ever hear the joke about a boomerang?

I don't remember it, but it'll come back to me.

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Sports

What sport do birds of prey love to watch?

Hawk-ey.

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Animals

What did the horse say when it collapsed?

"Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

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Professional

Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

You just have to listen varicosely.

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Animals

What does a cat go to sleep on?

A caterpillow.

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Food & Drinks

What loaf of bread has a bad attitude?

Sourdough.

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Animals

What do you call the dog magician?

A labra-cadabra.

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Entertainment

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

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Animals

Where do horses reside?

In neigh-borhoods.

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Cowbells?Animals

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

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Animals

What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp off the old block.

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