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What day of the week do chickens hide?

Fry-day.

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Current Events

Who isn't happy to get an Academy Award?

Oscar the grouch.

Animals

Why didn't the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer.

crowded graveyard?Holiday

It's Crowded!

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

Entertainment

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?

Chocolate chip cookie DOH!

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the referee calling fowls.

Sports

Did you ever hear the joke about a boomerang?

I don't remember it, but it'll come back to me.

Sports

What sport do birds of prey love to watch?

Hawk-ey.

Animals

What did the horse say when it collapsed?

"Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Professional

Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

You just have to listen varicosely.

Animals

What does a cat go to sleep on?

A caterpillow.

Food & Drinks

What loaf of bread has a bad attitude?

Sourdough.

Animals

What do you call the dog magician?

A labra-cadabra.

Entertainment

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

Animals

Where do horses reside?

In neigh-borhoods.

Cowbells?Animals

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

Animals

What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp off the old block.