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What color are all the books in the library?

Red.

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Animals

What games do ants play with elephants?

Squash.

Sports

What do a striker and a magician have in common?

Both do hat tricks.

Animals

What does a queen bee do when she burps?

Issues a royal pardon.

Animals

What do you call a 100-year-old ant?

An antique.

Animals

What animal scores the most in basketball?

A dunk-ey.

Animals

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

Food & Drinks

What did the pear say to the celery stick?

Quit stalking me.

Animals

Why can't dogs operate MRI machines?

I don't know, but catscan.

Animals

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?

Because they're wrigleys.

Animals

When is a black dog not a black dog?

When it's a greyhound.

Puns

How are you liking that anti-gravity book?

It's impossible to put down!

Professional

Why did the nurse always choose the red crayon?

Because she always has to draw blood.

Outdoors

What's another term for a sleeping bag?

A nap sack.

Holiday

Where do ghosts prefer to swim?

Lake Eerie.

Puns

If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?

Plenty of milk.

People

Why can't the lifeguards save the hippies?

Because they're too far out.