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What color are all the books in the library?

Red.

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Animals

What games do ants play with elephants?

Squash.

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Sports

What do a striker and a magician have in common?

Both do hat tricks.

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Animals

What does a queen bee do when she burps?

Issues a royal pardon.

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Animals

What do you call a 100-year-old ant?

An antique.

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Animals

What animal scores the most in basketball?

A dunk-ey.

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Animals

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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Food & Drinks

What did the pear say to the celery stick?

Quit stalking me.

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Animals

Why can't dogs operate MRI machines?

I don't know, but catscan.

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Animals

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?

Because they're wrigleys.

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Animals

When is a black dog not a black dog?

When it's a greyhound.

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Puns

How are you liking that anti-gravity book?

It's impossible to put down!

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Professional

Why did the nurse always choose the red crayon?

Because she always has to draw blood.

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Outdoors

What's another term for a sleeping bag?

A nap sack.

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Holiday

Where do ghosts prefer to swim?

Lake Eerie.

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Puns

If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?

Plenty of milk.

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People

Why can't the lifeguards save the hippies?

Because they're too far out.

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