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What bird shouldn't drink coffee?

A buzz-ard.

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two children wearing backpacks are writing equations on a chalkboardEducation

Why was the mean not looking forward to the end of the school year?

Because it had to go to sum-mer school.

Animals

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog.

Food & Drinks

Why did the woman get mad at her husband when she asked him to pick up six cans of Sprite?

He picked 7 up instead.

Animals

What happens when a frog's car dies?

He has it toad.

Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

Animals

How much does it cost to swim with the sharks?

An arm and a leg.

a lone pair of horns against a white backgroundFamily

Which family member has tusks?

An eleph-aunt.

Vehicles

Why are Olympians so picky about their vehicles?

They'll only drive a sports car.

Food & Drinks

Why does the orange always lose in races?

It runs out of juice.

Animals

Why is it easy for chicks to talk?

Because talk is cheep.

Food & Drinks

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

Education

What do librarians use as bait when they go fishing?

Book worms.

People

Why did Adam and Eve get kicked out of the garden?

Because they didn't read the Apple terms and conditions.

Puns

Who do green peas see when they aren't feeling well?

A pod-iatrist.

Puns

Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who?

There's nobel... that's why I knocked.