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What bird helps you stay dry?

A t-owl.

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two Mallard ducks are flying side-by-sidePuns

What birds always travel in twos?

Pair-rots.

Professional

Where does a veterinarian's husband sleep when they're fighting?

In the dog house.

Puns

What did the portable fan say to the ceiling fan?

Sorry, I'm just not a big fan.

Professional

What's a dentist's favorite movie?

Jaws.

Animals

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?

That hit the spots.

Puns

What did the obituary say for the pot of boiling water?

You will be mist.

Family

What did the antelope husband call his wife?

Deer.

Animals

How do you get out of an elephant's stomach?

You run around and around until you're all pooped out.

Animals

What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

Animals

Why are frogs always happy?

They eat what bugs them.

Sports

Why did the mom decide to play soccer in her spare time?

Just for kicks.

Animals

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?

A petticoat.

Puns

What does a cloud wear under his pants?

Thunderwear.

Puns

What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

Bernadette.

Holiday

What did Santa bring to the potluck?

Slaw la la la laaa, la la la laaaaaa.

Animals

What do you call a happy Lassie?

A jolly collie.