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What animals love to close envelopes?

Seals.

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Food & Drinks

Why did the lemon stop in the middle of the road?

It ran out of juice.

People

Why did Adam and Eve get kicked out of the garden?

Because they didn't read the Apple terms and conditions.

Puns

Why do people love getting letters from astronauts?

They have the best space stationery.

Music

What do you call berries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

Education

Knock knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who?

W-H-O.

Puns

What do you call someone who sees a robbery at an Apple Store?

The iWitness.

Sports

What do an English major and a football player have in common?

They get anxious over rough drafts.

Puns

Why was the moth so unpopular?

He kept picking holes in everything.

Holiday

Who delivers the cat's Christmas presents?

Santa Paws.

Soccer referees?Sports

What do soccer referees send during the holidays?

Yellow cards.

Animals

What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?

A deviled egg.

Entertainment

What cartoon character loves insects?

Bugs Bunny.

Professional

You know there's no official training for trash collectors?

They just pick things up as they go along.

Puns

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?

Dad, dad, look what marma-laid!

Spiderman?Entertainment

What event does Spiderman love to attend?

Webbings.

Animals

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog.