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What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every night.
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Animals
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Eileen.
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Puns
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?
Your plaice or mine?
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Sports
When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper.
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People
What do you call an 80-year-old cheerleader?
Old yeller.
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People
Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
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Political
What Washington D.C. landmark is great at punctuation?
Capital Hill.
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Animals
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they're wrigleys.
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Puns
How do mice celebrate when they move home?
Mouse warming party.
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People
What type of shoes in a ninja's favorite?
Sneakers.
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Education
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.
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Animals
What happens when a cow doesn't shave?
It grows a moostache.
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Food & Drinks
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up!
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People
If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missiletoe.
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Puns
Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who?
There's nobel... that's why I knocked.
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Puns
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?
Your plaice or mine?
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Sports
What sport do birds of prey love to watch?
Hawk-ey.
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