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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

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a close-up of a map with a red push-pin stuck on the state of PennsylvaniaPolitical

Why are there so many playgrounds in Pennsylvania?

It's a swing state.

Food & Drinks

What loaf of bread has a bad attitude?

Sourdough.

Outdoors

Why did the snowman look through a bag of carrots?

Because he was picking his nose.

Education

Why was school so much easier for cavemen?

There was no history class.

Puns

What's a toad's favorite sweet?

Lollihops.

Puns

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?

Udder nonsense.

a close-up of a dog's nose and front paws sticking out of a white blanketAnimals

What do you call dogs that rarely bark?

Hushpuppies.

Puns

How do locomotives know where to go?

They have a lot of training.

Food & Drinks

What kind of water do fireworks like?

Sparkling.

Puns

Why is a fish easy to weigh?

Because it has its own scales.

Animals

Why did the chicken cross the net?

It wanted to get to the other site.

Holiday

What is the best Christmas present ever?

A broken drum-you can't beat it.

Puns

What makes a glow worm glow?

A light meal.

People

Which celebrity loves to read?

Elliot Page.

Sports

What stories are told by basketball players?

Tall stories.

Science

Why did the mathematician decline a beer at the party?

He didn't want to drink and derive.