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What do you call a bunch of animals that can't stop cracking jokes?

A funny farm.

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Entertainment

Why did the man buy the discounted TV with a broken volume control?

He couldn't turn it down.

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Animals

How does a squid go into battle?

Well-armed.

Sports

What do an English major and a football player have in common?

They get anxious over rough drafts.

Food & Drinks

Why did the baby cookie cry?

Because its mother was a wafer so long.

Animals

How do you care for a sick bird?

Tweetment.

Sports

What stories are told by basketball players?

Tall stories.

Puns

What part of your eye learns the quickest?

The pupil.

Animals

Why does an elephant wear sneakers?

So that he can sneak up on mice.

Puns

What is an insect's favorite game?

Cricket.

Holiday

What's always playing in Santa's workshop?

Wrap music.

Animals

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

Decalfeinated.

Puns

How do fireflies start a race?

Ready, steady, glow.

Puns

Why didn't the lamp sink in the water?

Because it was too light.

Outdoors

How did the farmer fix his torn overalls?

With a cabbage patch.

Puns

How do mice celebrate when they move home?

Mouse warming party.