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She Needed Her Balance Checked!

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over!

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Animals

How does a squid go into battle?

Well-armed.

People

Who is the worm's Prime Minister?

Maggot Thatcher.

Animals

Where do baby apes sleep?

In apricots.

Food & Drinks

Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?

They're too cheesy.

Puns

How do locomotives know where to go?

They have a lot of training.

Entertainment

Why did the mirror cross the road?

To see itself!

Animals

What animal loves to sway side-to-side?

A lean-mur.

Vehicles

What do donkeys take to go to the store?

A horse and buggy.

Puns

What did the clean dog say to the insect?

Long time, no flea.

Animals

What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?

A deviled egg.

Political

Which bureau of the US government has the best breath?

The Mint.

Puns

My friend told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down!

Animals

What's a snake's strongest subject in school?

Hiss-tory.

Animals

What bird shouldn't drink coffee?

A buzz-ard.

Outdoors

What's another term for a sleeping bag?

A nap sack.

Puns

Do the mascara and lipstick ever argue?

Sure, but then they makeup.