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Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
"No change yet."
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Puns
What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
Udder nonsense.
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Animals
What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?
Hush puppies.
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Animals
What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?
Jail-birds.
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Animals
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, houses can't jump.
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Animals
What did the duck say as he was buying chapstick?
Just put it on my bill.
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Puns
Why were dancers in the '70s always sick?
They all had boogie fever!
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Food & Drinks
Why did the baby cookie cry?
Because its mother was a wafer so long.
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Puns
Why are boats so bad at asking for forgiveness?
They harbor resentment.
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Sports
When is a baseball player like a thief?
When he steals a base.
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Sports
What do soccer referees send during the holidays?
Yellow cards.
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Entertainment
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
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Outdoors
Who is the most obnoxious person in a garden?
A gnome-it-all.
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Science
How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying?
You rocket.
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Education
Why is a computer so smart?
Because it listens to its motherboard.
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Puns
What's another name for your iPhone charger?
Apple juice.
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Puns
What do you find at the end of everything?
The letter G.
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