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My friend told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down!

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Music

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tunafish.

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Food & Drinks

Why couldn't the pepper go to archery practice?

It didn't habanero.

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Holiday

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts.

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Political

Which bureau of the US government has the best breath?

The Mint.

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Puns

Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?

Because she was afraid someone would caesar.

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Puns

Why was the pirate late for work?

His ship had sailed.

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People

Why can't bikes stand up on their own?

They're just two-tired.

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Travel

What are rental cars called in Spain?

Barceloaners.

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Puns

What's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?

Cobbler.

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Puns

When Sunday and Monday get into a fight, who typically wins?

Sunday, because Monday is a week-day.

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Melon married?Food & Drinks

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

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Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

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Holiday

What Easter candy has tons of friends?

Peeps!

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Animals

What do you call a parrot making fun of you?

A mockingbird.

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Animals

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Of course, houses can't jump.

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Puns

What part of your eye learns the quickest?

The pupil.

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