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My friend told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down!
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Music
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't tunafish.
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Food & Drinks
Why couldn't the pepper go to archery practice?
It didn't habanero.
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Holiday
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
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Political
Which bureau of the US government has the best breath?
The Mint.
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Puns
Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
Because she was afraid someone would caesar.
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Puns
Why was the pirate late for work?
His ship had sailed.
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People
Why can't bikes stand up on their own?
They're just two-tired.
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Travel
What are rental cars called in Spain?
Barceloaners.
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Puns
What's a shoemaker's favorite dessert?
Cobbler.
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Puns
When Sunday and Monday get into a fight, who typically wins?
Sunday, because Monday is a week-day.
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Food & Drinks
Why didn't the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
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Holiday
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
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Holiday
What Easter candy has tons of friends?
Peeps!
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Animals
What do you call a parrot making fun of you?
A mockingbird.
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Animals
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, houses can't jump.
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Puns
What part of your eye learns the quickest?
The pupil.
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