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I broke my finger!

I broke my finger last week! On the other hand, I'm okay!

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Puns

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

Entertainment

What's the name of the winner of the chicken-eating contest?

The Lord of the Wings.

crowded graveyard?Holiday

It's Crowded!

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

Puns

Why is money so stubborn?

It doesn't want to make change.

Sports

What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

Live stream.

Animals

When should you stop for a glow worm?

When he has a red light.

Vehicles

What's a horse's favorite car?

A Mustang.

Puns

Why do vampires always look sick?

They keep coffin.

Food & Drinks

Where can you have a Fry-day every day?

Grease!

Puns

What reads and lives in an apple?

A bookworm.

a person's hand holds a missing piece from a white puzzle, with the words "lies" and "true" writtenAnimals

Which big cat never tells the truth?

A lie-on.

Puns

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.

Animals

What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall?

How slime flies.

Puns

What do you call a pig thief?

A hamburglar.

Puns

Who do green peas see when they aren't feeling well?

A pod-iatrist.