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How long will dinner be?

About a foot and a half.

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Sports

Why couldn't the skateboard pass math class?

It just couldn't get a handle on it.

Puns

What is a pig's favorite ballet?

Swine Lake.

Professional

Did you take the patient's temperature?

No. Is it missing?

Puns

Do you have the best ceiling?

No, but it's up there.

People

Did you hear about the vacuum cleaner that can cut your housework in half?

I bought two.

Puns

Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?

Because she was afraid someone would caesar.

Puns

Why was the robot so sleepy after her road trip?

She had a hard drive.

Entertainment

What cartoon character loves insects?

Bugs Bunny.

Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

Travel

Which celebrity loves to go on vacation?

Tom Cruise.

Travel

Where do hands go on vacation?

Palm Springs.

Outdoors

How did the farmer fix his torn overalls?

With a cabbage patch.

Food & Drinks

Why did the ice cream truck break down?

Because of the rocky road.

Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

Animals

What's a lizard's favorite cookie?

A fig newt-on.

Puns

What do clouds do as soon as they make money?

Make it rain.