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How long will dinner be?

About a foot and a half.

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Sports

Why couldn't the skateboard pass math class?

It just couldn't get a handle on it.

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Puns

What is a pig's favorite ballet?

Swine Lake.

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Professional

Did you take the patient's temperature?

No. Is it missing?

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Puns

Do you have the best ceiling?

No, but it's up there.

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People

Did you hear about the vacuum cleaner that can cut your housework in half?

I bought two.

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Puns

Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?

Because she was afraid someone would caesar.

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Puns

Why was the robot so sleepy after her road trip?

She had a hard drive.

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Entertainment

What cartoon character loves insects?

Bugs Bunny.

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Professional

The museum curator needed a break.

So she took her van to gogh out of here!

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Travel

Which celebrity loves to go on vacation?

Tom Cruise.

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Travel

Where do hands go on vacation?

Palm Springs.

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Outdoors

How did the farmer fix his torn overalls?

With a cabbage patch.

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Food & Drinks

Why did the ice cream truck break down?

Because of the rocky road.

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Education

Where do you go when you need an excuse to get out of something?

A lie-brary.

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Animals

What's a lizard's favorite cookie?

A fig newt-on.

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Puns

What do clouds do as soon as they make money?

Make it rain.

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