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How is life like toilet paper?

You're either on a roll or taking poop from someone.

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Holiday

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?

Santa pause.

Puns

What did the outlet say to the power cord on their date?

Sorry, I just don't feel a spark.

Vehicles

Why are Olympians so picky about their vehicles?

They'll only drive a sports car.

Holiday

Why is April the cleanest month of all?

Spring cleaning!

a close-up of a white sheep against a white backgroundPeople

Which singer loves to groom sheep?

Ed Shear-an.

a close-up of a map with a red push-pin stuck on the state of PennsylvaniaPolitical

Why are there so many playgrounds in Pennsylvania?

It's a swing state.

Sports

When is a baseball player like a thief?

When he steals a base.

Animals

What do you call a parrot making fun of you?

A mockingbird.

a close-up of a blue fin tuna fish swimming in clear blue waterAnimals

What fish loves to play in a band?

A sea-bass.

Science

How does the moon cut her hair?

Eclipse it.

Entertainment

What do you call a robot that takes the long way?

R2 detour.

Animals

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog, because it croaks every night.

Animals

What kind of dog chases anything red?

A bull dog.

Animals

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia?

A dingo-ling.

Puns

What do you call the wife of a hippie?

A Mississippi.

Animals

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

So-fish-ticated.