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How do you spot a modern spider?
He has a website.
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Puns
Why was the pirate late for work?
His ship had sailed.
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Sports
Why did the goal post get angry?
Because the bar was rattled!
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Music
What's a balloon's least favorite type of music?
Pop.
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Animals
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little antibodies.
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Holiday
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.
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Animals
Why did the man name his canines Rolex and Timex?
They were his watch dogs.
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Professional
Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
"No change yet."
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Animals
Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
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Animals
Why did the doctor let his dog help with his patients?
Because he had a lab coat.
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People
Why can't the lifeguards save the hippies?
Because they're too far out.
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Entertainment
What did the teacher say when the Demogorgon showed up in their classroom?
Stranger things have happened.
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Animals
Why couldn't the leopard hide?
He was always spotted.
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Animals
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
Terrier-fied.
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Food & Drinks
What kind of water do fireworks like?
Sparkling.
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Animals
How do you spot a modern spider?
He has a website.
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Entertainment
What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate his ice cream too fast?
Quit goblin your dessert.
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