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How do you make antifreeze?

You steal her blanket.

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Puns

Why are boats so bad at asking for forgiveness?

They harbor resentment.

Education

Why shouldn't you trust atoms?

They make up everything!

Animals

What do you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?

An animal that tells you everything that it remembers.

Current Events

Who isn't happy to get an Academy Award?

Oscar the grouch.

People

Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

They had so many knights.

Animals

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?

They go on peck-nics.

Political

What building always gets stains on it?

The White House.

Puns

Why do people love getting letters from astronauts?

They have the best space stationery.

Holiday

Why was Santa's little helper embarrassed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

Puns

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

It was outstanding in its field.

Professional

Where does a veterinarian's husband sleep when they're fighting?

In the dog house.

Animals

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?

A beer-a-cuda.

Animals

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?

An alarm cluck.

Current Events

Why was the spring storm in a great mood?

It was on cloud nine!

Holiday

What do you call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

Music

What do you call berries playing the guitar?

A jam session.