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How do you make antifreeze?

You steal her blanket.

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Puns

Why are boats so bad at asking for forgiveness?

They harbor resentment.

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Education

Why shouldn't you trust atoms?

They make up everything!

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Animals

What do you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?

An animal that tells you everything that it remembers.

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Current Events

Who isn't happy to get an Academy Award?

Oscar the grouch.

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People

Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

They had so many knights.

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Animals

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?

They go on peck-nics.

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Political

What building always gets stains on it?

The White House.

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Puns

Why do people love getting letters from astronauts?

They have the best space stationery.

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Holiday

Why was Santa's little helper embarrassed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

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Puns

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

It was outstanding in its field.

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Professional

Where does a veterinarian's husband sleep when they're fighting?

In the dog house.

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Animals

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?

A beer-a-cuda.

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Animals

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?

An alarm cluck.

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Current Events

Why was the spring storm in a great mood?

It was on cloud nine!

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Holiday

What do you call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

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Music

What do you call berries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

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