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How did the mountain lion finally lose weight?

He quit cold turkey.

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Music

Why do hummingbirds hum instead of singing along to music?

Because they don't know the words yet.

a man with multi-colored hair, beard, and shirt holds up a multi-colored paint roller in front of his facePuns

What do painters do when they make a mistake?

They go back to the drawing board.

People

Which celebrity shines the brightest?

Emma Watt-son.

Puns

Why should you stand in a corner if you're cold?

They're usually 90 degrees.

Animals

What do you call a fish wearing a tux?

Sofishticated.

Puns

What did the clean dog say to the insect?

Long time, no flea.

Food & Drinks

What do you call stolen cheese?

Nacho cheese.

People

Who is the worm's Prime Minister?

Maggot Thatcher.

a white and tan spotted pony appears to smile at the cameraAnimals

Why couldn't the pony speak at the convention?

It was too hoarse.

Music

What do you call berries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

Puns

What do you call a Russian flea?

A Moscow-ito.

Music

What did the windmill say when it was asked what type of music was its favorite?

I'm a big fan of metal.

Education

What happened to the Dean who lost his job?

He lost his ideanity.

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

People

What did Sherlock Holmes deduce when he woke up during his camping trip and saw the stars?

That someone had stolen his tent.

Animals

Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover its butt-quack.