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How did the mountain lion finally lose weight?

He quit cold turkey.

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Music

Why do hummingbirds hum instead of singing along to music?

Because they don't know the words yet.

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a man with multi-colored hair, beard, and shirt holds up a multi-colored paint roller in front of his facePuns

What do painters do when they make a mistake?

They go back to the drawing board.

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People

Which celebrity shines the brightest?

Emma Watt-son.

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Puns

Why should you stand in a corner if you're cold?

They're usually 90 degrees.

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Animals

What do you call a fish wearing a tux?

Sofishticated.

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Puns

What did the clean dog say to the insect?

Long time, no flea.

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Food & Drinks

What do you call stolen cheese?

Nacho cheese.

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People

Who is the worm's Prime Minister?

Maggot Thatcher.

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a white and tan spotted pony appears to smile at the cameraAnimals

Why couldn't the pony speak at the convention?

It was too hoarse.

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Music

What do you call berries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

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Puns

What do you call a Russian flea?

A Moscow-ito.

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Music

What did the windmill say when it was asked what type of music was its favorite?

I'm a big fan of metal.

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Education

What happened to the Dean who lost his job?

He lost his ideanity.

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Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

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People

What did Sherlock Holmes deduce when he woke up during his camping trip and saw the stars?

That someone had stolen his tent.

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Animals

Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover its butt-quack.

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