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How did the coach get his quarterback?
He went to the bank.
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People
Which celebrity has the loudest scream?
Pierce Brosnan.
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Sports
What's the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?
One steals watches and one watches steals.
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Puns
What's a henway?
About ten pounds.
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Puns
Why does the photon not need a suitcase?
Because it's traveling light.
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Sports
Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump.
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Entertainment
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?
At the local second-hand store.
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Animals
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
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Entertainment
Why does Snoop Dogg always have an umbrella with him?
Fo' drizzle.
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Puns
What do naked fish play with?
Bare-a-cudas.
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Puns
What do clouds do as soon as they make money?
Make it rain.
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Puns
What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, dad, look what marma-laid!
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Entertainment
Who is a pig's favorite Star Wars character?
Ham Solo.
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Current Events
Who do insects see to get their taxes done?
An account-ant.
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Outdoors
Why are trees so good at interior design?
They know how to Spruce a place up.
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Sports
What do you call oxygen and carbon dioxide playing basketball together?
Airball.
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Puns
Why is money so stubborn?
It doesn't want to make change.
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