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How did the coach get his quarterback?

He went to the bank.

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a woman wearing an orange sweater is yelling into a megaphonePeople

Which celebrity has the loudest scream?

Pierce Brosnan.

The Umpire?Sports

What's the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?

One steals watches and one watches steals.

Puns

What's a henway?

About ten pounds.

Puns

Why does the photon not need a suitcase?

Because it's traveling light.

Sports

Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

All of them, a crossbar can't jump.

Entertainment

Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?

At the local second-hand store.

Cowbells?Animals

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

Entertainment

Why does Snoop Dogg always have an umbrella with him?

Fo' drizzle.

a close-up of a colorful, tropical ParrotfishPuns

What do naked fish play with?

Bare-a-cudas.

Puns

What do clouds do as soon as they make money?

Make it rain.

Puns

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?

Dad, dad, look what marma-laid!

Entertainment

Who is a pig's favorite Star Wars character?

Ham Solo.

Current Events

Who do insects see to get their taxes done?

An account-ant.

a view looking up through green trees in a forest with the sun shining throughOutdoors

Why are trees so good at interior design?

They know how to Spruce a place up.

a basketball player dunks a basketball in a net in a dimly lit courtSports

What do you call oxygen and carbon dioxide playing basketball together?

Airball.

Puns

Why is money so stubborn?

It doesn't want to make change.