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How did Barack ask Michelle to be his wife?

He bought a ring, got on one knee, and said "Will you marry me? I don't wanna be Obamaself."

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Animals

What games do ants play with elephants?

Squash.

Animals

Why did the elephant eat the candle?

For light refreshment.

Puns

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.

Holiday

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

Holiday

How did the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

Dead-lifting.

Outdoors

Have you ever seen Orion's Belt?

Yeah, it's a huge waist of space.

Santa & soccer?Holiday

What did Santa bring the naughty soccer player?

COOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!

Outdoors

What do trees wear to the lake?

Swimming trunks.

Outdoors

Why couldn't the boxer make it in stand-up comedy?

He didn't have the right hook.

Animals

What did the seal say when he saw his friend jump in the ocean?

I otter do that!

Food & Drinks

How does dinner smell?

Through its nose.

Science

Why was the math book sad?

It had a lot of problems.

Outdoors

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

a cat is playing with a roll of toilet paper in the bathroomAnimals

Why did the cat go to the bathroom in the trash can?

Because it's a litter box.

Animals

What do you call the donkey with 3 legs?

Wonky.

Puns

What's a toad's favorite sweet?

Lollihops.