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How did Barack ask Michelle to be his wife?
He bought a ring, got on one knee, and said "Will you marry me? I don't wanna be Obamaself."
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Animals
What games do ants play with elephants?
Squash.
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Animals
Why did the elephant eat the candle?
For light refreshment.
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Puns
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope.
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Holiday
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
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Holiday
How did the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
Dead-lifting.
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Outdoors
Have you ever seen Orion's Belt?
Yeah, it's a huge waist of space.
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Holiday
What did Santa bring the naughty soccer player?
COOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!
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Outdoors
What do trees wear to the lake?
Swimming trunks.
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Outdoors
Why couldn't the boxer make it in stand-up comedy?
He didn't have the right hook.
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Animals
What did the seal say when he saw his friend jump in the ocean?
I otter do that!
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Food & Drinks
How does dinner smell?
Through its nose.
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Science
Why was the math book sad?
It had a lot of problems.
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Outdoors
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
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Animals
Why did the cat go to the bathroom in the trash can?
Because it's a litter box.
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Animals
What do you call the donkey with 3 legs?
Wonky.
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Puns
What's a toad's favorite sweet?
Lollihops.
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