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Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?

You just have to listen varicosely.

Looking for a specific joke?

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Animals

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss.

Entertainment

What do you call a nearsighted cowboy?

Squint Eastwood.

Sports

When fish play football, who is the captain?

The team's kipper.

Vehicles

What's always messy no matter how many times you clean it?

A dirt bike.

Animals

What do you call a monkey who's a whiz at technology?

A computer chimp.

Food & Drinks

What do fairies always drink?

Sprite.

Puns

What do you call a pig thief?

A hamburglar.

People

Which computer won the talent show?

A Dell.

People

How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?

Shocked!

Outdoors

Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out.

Puns

Why didn't the lamp sink in the water?

Because it was too light.

Animals

What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?

A deviled egg.

Puns

I used to be addicted to not showering.

Luckily, I've been clean for five years.

Animals

Why are elephants wiser than chickens?

Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant?

Holiday

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

He's a real pain in the neck.

Puns

What did the obituary say for the pot of boiling water?

You will be mist.