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Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score?

Never mind, it's pointless.

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Animals

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

An octopuss.

People

Why did the runner quit the race against bigfoot?

He couldn't face defeet!

Animals

What is another name for a cow?

A lawn-mooer.

Political

Which former US President was always cold?

Calvin Coolidge.

Professional

Why did the Uber driver get fired?

The passengers kept reporting him for going the extra mile.

Professional

When do astronauts eat?

At launch time.

Puns

What part of your eye learns the quickest?

The pupil.

Cat's TV show?Entertainment

What TV show did the cat love to watch?

Claw and Order.

a man wearing priest robs and a large cross holds a book in front of a white backgroundPeople

Why does the priest love swiss cheese?

Because it's holy.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?

A firequacker.

a close-up of Arnold Schwarzenegger's star from the Hollywood Walk of FameVehicles

What kind of car does Arnold Schwarzenegger drive?

A muscle car.

Puns

What is dry on the outside, filled with water, and blows up buildings?

A fish tank.

a view of a green mountain forest with many pine trees and a blue sky behindOutdoors

Why are trees always so positive?

Because they have a pe-can do attitude.

an actor stands on a lit stage with a script in his outstretched hands with his head tilted backProfessional

Why did the actor jump into the orchestra pit?

Because the director told them to break a leg.

Animals

How long do chickens work?

Around the cluck.

Puns

What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.