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Did you hear about the vacuum cleaner that can cut your housework in half?

I bought two.

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Sports

What dish does only a baseball player use?

The home plate.

Holiday

What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet!

Food & Drinks

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it.

Holiday

Why is April the cleanest month of all?

Spring cleaning!

Animals

What do you get if you cross a dog with a telephone?

A golden receiver.

Professional

Why do rabbits make good jewelers?

They can tell the best carrot.

Holiday

What does one Valentine's Day card say to another that is physically fit?

You're from good cardstock.

Puns

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

Food & Drinks

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

Animals

What games do ants play with elephants?

Squash.

Sports

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?

The champire.

a view looking up through green trees in a forest with the sun shining throughOutdoors

Why are trees so good at interior design?

They know how to Spruce a place up.

Puns

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?

Lumpy milkshakes.

Animals

What bird ends up constantly getting hurt?

The owl.

Animals

What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?

A croaker spaniel.

Animals

What's a duck's favorite TV show?

The Feather Forecast.