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What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?

The collie wobbles.

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The penguins?Animals

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

Entertainment

Why did the man buy the discounted TV with a broken volume control?

He couldn't turn it down.

Animals

What animal is best at avoiding a punch?

A duck.

Animals

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?

Because of all the cheetahs.

Animals

What's a frog's favorite drink on a hot summer day?

An ice-cold croak-a-cola.

Holiday

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

He's a real pain in the neck.

Animals

How expensive is swimming with sharks?

It cost me an arm and a leg!

Holiday

What did the skeleton order at the bar?

A beer and a mop.

Animals

How do you spot a modern spider?

He has a website.

Puns

What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

Animals

What do you call a kangaroo's lazy joey?

Pouch potato.

Animals

Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?

Because of all the cheetahs.

Animals

Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?

He had his own frog horn.

Holiday

What did the skeleton order at the bar?

A beer and a mop.

Professional

Why couldn't the firefighter save the burning funhouse?

It was all smoke and mirrors.

Professional

What happens when a realtor commits a crime?

They're put on house arrest.