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What do you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?

An animal that tells you everything that it remembers.

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Holiday

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

Animals

What do you call a famous turtle?

A shellebrity.

Professional

What day of the week takes nothing seriously?

Casual Friday.

Holiday

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?

Comet cleans sinks.

Animals

What dinosaur would win the track gold medal at the Olympics?

The Prontosaurus.

Puns

What happened to the glow worm who was squashed?

He was de-lighted.

catchers at lunch?Sports

Where do catchers sit at lunch?

Behind the plate.

Holiday

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it "soots" him.

Puns

Why did the pig go to the casino?

To play the slop machine.

Animals

What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?

"Odor in the court!"

Puns

What's the saddest part of the week?

Monday mourning.

a close-up of a bottle of aspirin spilled on a red surfacePuns

Why did the window need an aspirin?

To relieve a glass pane.

Outdoors

Why did everyone want to be near the volcano?

Because it's just so lava-ble.

Music

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tunafish.

Animals

Where do ants go to eat?

At a restaurant.