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What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiler?

A computer with a lot of bites.

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Food & Drinks

What is the opposite of coffee?

Sneezy.

Sports

When is a baseball player like a thief?

When he steals a base.

People

What do you call an 80-year-old cheerleader?

Old yeller.

Puns

What happened to the dancer at Seafood Disco?

He pulled a mussel.

Food & Drinks

What kind of water do fireworks like?

Sparkling.

Professional

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Outdoors

Where do termites go camping?

A tented house.

Sports

Why did Justin Turner sign up for the marathon near where he grew up?

It was a home run.

Puns

What did the painter say to the wall?

One more crack and I'll plaster you.

Puns

Why am I no longer addicted to the hokey pokey?

I turned myself around.

Puns

Do the mascara and lipstick ever argue?

Sure, but then they makeup.

Holiday

What is the best Christmas present ever?

A broken drum-you can't beat it.

People

How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?

Just look for the Fresh Prints!

a child dressed up in a cardboard rocket ship costume stands next to a cardboard robotScience

Why do rocket scientists take everything so seriously?

Because they understand the gravity of the situation.

Science

Why are bakers so good at math?

They love Pi!

Puns

How does Moses make his coffee so great?

Hebrews it.