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What's the difference between a politician and a snail?

One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

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Sports

What is the difference between baseball and law?

In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

Music

Why are stones so good at music?

They're obsessed with rock n' roll!

Family

How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?

She sent her a pee-mail.

Animals

What do you call a happy Lassie?

A jolly collie.

Puns

Where do hamsters come from?

Hamsterdam!

Holiday

What's a mummy's favorite food to eat?

Wraps.

Outdoors

What flowers rarely depreciate in value?

Mari-golds.

Outdoors

Why is sand so optimistic?

It has a can-dune attitude.

Food & Drinks

What do you call a sad latte?

Depresso.

Professional

Why was the air compressor dripping with sweat?

It had been running all day and night.

Animals

What did the bee say to the flower?

Hello honey.

Puns

Why are boats so bad at asking for forgiveness?

They harbor resentment.

Entertainment

What do you call a musical about a boy who loses his shoe?

Cinderfella.

Animals

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

Vehicles

Why are Olympians so picky about their vehicles?

They'll only drive a sports car.

Entertainment

What do you get if you cross a science fiction film with a toad?

Star Warts.