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What's the difference between a politician and a snail?

One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

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Sports

What is the difference between baseball and law?

In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

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Music

Why are stones so good at music?

They're obsessed with rock n' roll!

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Family

How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?

She sent her a pee-mail.

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Animals

What do you call a happy Lassie?

A jolly collie.

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Puns

Where do hamsters come from?

Hamsterdam!

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Holiday

What's a mummy's favorite food to eat?

Wraps.

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Outdoors

What flowers rarely depreciate in value?

Mari-golds.

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Outdoors

Why is sand so optimistic?

It has a can-dune attitude.

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Food & Drinks

What do you call a sad latte?

Depresso.

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Professional

Why was the air compressor dripping with sweat?

It had been running all day and night.

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Animals

What did the bee say to the flower?

Hello honey.

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Puns

Why are boats so bad at asking for forgiveness?

They harbor resentment.

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Entertainment

What do you call a musical about a boy who loses his shoe?

Cinderfella.

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Animals

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

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Vehicles

Why are Olympians so picky about their vehicles?

They'll only drive a sports car.

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Entertainment

What do you get if you cross a science fiction film with a toad?

Star Warts.

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