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What's the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?

One steals watches and one watches steals.

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Animals

Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have little antibodies.

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Puns

What is an insect's favorite game?

Cricket.

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Animals

What's a toad's favorite ballet?

Swamp Lake.

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Professional

Why did the barber win the race?

She knew shortcuts.

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Animals

Why don't koalas categorize as bears?

They don't have the right koalafications.

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Professional

What goes by slower than a plot-less movie?

Friday afternoon.

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Vehicles

What car doesn't seem to go anywhere?

A stationary wagon.

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Music

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tunafish.

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various loaves of bread piled togetherPuns

Did you hear about the country giving free bread to its citizens?

It was a generous dough-nation.

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Outdoors

Did you hear about the one with the skunk on a camping trip?

Eh, never mind. It really stinks.

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Family

Why are goats so funny?

They're always kidding around.

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Holiday

What did Santa bring to the potluck?

Slaw la la la laaa, la la la laaaaaa.

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Holiday

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia.

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Sports

What do you call a basketball player with a drooling problem?

Double dribble.

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People

How did the coach get his quarterback?

He went to the bank.

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Puns

Where do snowmen go to dance?

Snowballs.

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