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What's the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?

One steals watches and one watches steals.

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Animals

Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have little antibodies.

Puns

What is an insect's favorite game?

Cricket.

Animals

What's a toad's favorite ballet?

Swamp Lake.

Professional

Why did the barber win the race?

She knew shortcuts.

Animals

Why don't koalas categorize as bears?

They don't have the right koalafications.

Professional

What goes by slower than a plot-less movie?

Friday afternoon.

Vehicles

What car doesn't seem to go anywhere?

A stationary wagon.

Music

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tunafish.

various loaves of bread piled togetherPuns

Did you hear about the country giving free bread to its citizens?

It was a generous dough-nation.

Outdoors

Did you hear about the one with the skunk on a camping trip?

Eh, never mind. It really stinks.

Family

Why are goats so funny?

They're always kidding around.

Holiday

What did Santa bring to the potluck?

Slaw la la la laaa, la la la laaaaaa.

Holiday

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia.

Sports

What do you call a basketball player with a drooling problem?

Double dribble.

People

How did the coach get his quarterback?

He went to the bank.

Puns

Where do snowmen go to dance?

Snowballs.